Recent entertaining quotes from the boys

Ryan & the calenator

Ryan beating repeatedly on a calculator: “This calenator isn’t giving the Os (meaning zeros). It’s broken. It’s not giving the Os.  Oh, there go the Os (after hitting the decimal point).  That’s like a hundred Os.”

Daddy:  “Really?  Why don’t you count them and see if there are a hundred?”

Ryan: “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. SEVEN Os!  That’s almost a HUNDRED!!”

Jacob & the alligator swimsuit

Jacob as I walk in the door after work: “Dad, guess what? I got new swimming shorts today and they have alligators on them!”

Daddy: “That’s awesome! I saw them hanging in the garage.”

Jacob: “Yeah and they’re cool, they have a sunscreen in them in case the sun gets in my pants!” (I believe this is in reference to the inner liner typical in most swimsuits for males)

Momentous day in the lives of cube dwellers

Suzy thinks I’m a little crazy for enjoying this guy’s videos as much as I do. The best I can say is there is a joy/hope that comes across from his videos. Below is his latest which was released earlier today.

After his first one he admitted the popularity and effect his videos have had with people was purely by accident. It was originally intended as a goofy travel log that he and his family would watch. He continues however to make videos that for me (and apparently a great deal of other people) are true to that innocent/honest joy of the first.

I guess sometimes I feel I am consuming my life sitting in a box staring at meaningless stuff on a computer screen. This guy gives me a few minutes of sitting in the box staring at stuff on the screen that makes me realize I shouldn’t waste my life sitting in the box. I just wish the path that this guy took out of his box were big enough for all of us.

Anyway time to get back to my pursuit of nirvana in Microsoft Excel.

Enjoy the video. (It's much better in high quality directly on Youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY&feature=user)

Ryan video by proxy

Due to the lack of a digital camera we were unable to capture Ryan’s sense of style this morning.

Here is a video from youtube that gives you the idea. Unlike this kid, however, Ryan thought it was hilarious.

We hope our next camera will be able to withstand exposure to children.

Warning: graphic descriptions of violence and suffering!

Two nights ago, as we usually do, Suzy and I were reading in bed after a long day. Then one of those seemingly innocent actions that you don’t even think about when you do it but regret once you’ve done it happened.

I put my hand on my wife’s 7+ months pregnant stomach.

Shortly after my act of stupidity, the obvious reaction occurred; the baby kicked/punched/elbowed/whatevered my hand in a blatant communication of, “Hey, just exactly who/what do you think you are?... gettin’ all up in my grill like this!”

I flipped out. I mean my heebies were in full-on jeebie. Somehow I had forgotten how (...searching in vain for a non-derogatory adjective...) "different/interesting" that feels.

In my defense, I tell myself that everyone has at least one or sometimes several things that give them the willies. By willies I mean to say an involuntary response where you run/roll around in circles flailing anything that can be flailed in a vain attempt to scratch the itchy insides of your joints and alleviate the mental and emotional cringing.

Anyone who has seen me near the hideously frozen plastic of an otter pop knows the willies of which I speak.

So my wife, who as we are aware is a veteran of, shall we say, “the more significant physical realities of pregnancy”, is staring at me through all this with a look of love, respect and admiration for my sensitivity.

Actually it was more of a, “You have GOT to be kidding me” look.

Grasping for a way to help her understand the fullest extent of my sceeved-out-ed-ness, I should have told her that while she has been developing a connection to this baby and everything it does for the last 7 months, the baby and I really don't start connecting until it starts to forgive me for not being mommy. Until then it's more of a mutual recognition of the other's existence.

Instead of this nonsense or any other seemingly thoughtful response, my brain could only come up with:

“IT WAS LIKE OTTER POPS!!!!!”

So I’ve talked with my attorney and we’re hoping that after a two month suspension and a $50 fine the MAN association will give me my man card back. I’ll be needing it right about then to withstand the tortures of the delivery room.